But I've never given rape much thought. Why would I? I know of no one close to me who has been raped, and as a regular American guy more focused on education and auto didacticism, I've had no reason to delve into this dark corner of the criminal psyche.
And I didn't see it coming when I picked up Beverly Donofrio's latest title, Astonished. Her first two memoirs, the movie-famous Riding in Cars with Boys and then the quieter Looking for Mary, told her tales of self-defeating attempts to live freely and boldly, to find both excitement and solace in a confusing world. Her rape, however, permeates this book like oxygen in the air. It reminds me of a time I went on a plane trip and was too cheap to buy a rolling suitcase, opting instead for a heavy duffel bag I carried slung across my shoulder - not the kind of thing you can forget is burdening you with every step as you walk a mile from Gate A to Gate WW.
Donofrio begins the book by expressing her bewilderment that such unspeakable evil would visit her in particular:
Even though I do know the important question is not why this happened to me but what I'm going to do now ... I was absolutely shocked that he chose me. This was not supposed to happen; I was supposed to have escaped: I had hot flashes and liver spots and was finally in the final stretch. I'd survived all these decades without experiencing this thing I dreaded as much as death ...In the past month I've followed friends on Facebook as they went through similarly shocking bouts with evil: two young girls undergoing multiple surgeries after a car crash, and a highly respected, generous man having a brain tumor removed. Though they never said as much, I'd guess they at some point asked the same question Donofrio asked, the same question Job asked: Why me? That question seems to lie behind the books title: Astonished that evil would visit me - ME!
Fortunately, Donofrio circles around that question while still moving forward, searching for a monastery where she can take up residence, if not formal vows, to find a place of peace. Astonished is something of a chick book, perfect for that demographic (female, middle aged, middle class, NPR listener, etc. - the dang cover is decorated with bracelet charms, for gosh sakes), but she is a talented enough writer to rise above the solipsistic memoir genre and speak from the soul about her quest for peace honestly. Honestly - she admits when she is petty and judgmental, and not in the sordid reality-TV way we know so well, but with a downright saintly humility.
And yet the rape hovers over the book like a blimp at a football game (apologies for the incongruous metaphor). Evil is not something we really recover from, when it strikes so personally and deeply; not something we get over. Still, Donofrio convinces us, we can go on. We can seek peace. And maybe even find it.
